Lupus and a Baby: Miracles DO Happen!

 My husband has Lupus which is a disease that makes the body attack itself. Before the doctors knew what he was struggling with, the Lupus hit him hard and it destroyed his kidneys. He was given a few chemo treatments and we were told that if they could not stabilize him on his meds, that he could die. Presently he is on dialysis three days a week and he needs a kidney transplant. For the last few weeks we have been back and forth to doctors trying to see if I could be the match that he needs (hence why I haven’t blogged in a while.) We got the call a few days ago that I am a perfect match and that they would call us back with a date for the transplant.

 In the midst of waiting for a date, something miraculous took place. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for two years and nothing ever happened. We were told over and over again that if we did manage to become pregnant, it would be a miracle because chemo takes his chances way down. Chemo kills sperm and it could take years for the body to start making enough healthy sperm to be able to reproduce. Two days before we got the call with the date for the surgery, we found out that we are pregnant! Oh happy day! We have been on cloud nine and my husband has been telling everyone that he is going to be a dad: the cashier at the drive-thru window at Wendy’s, the occupants of the car stopped next to us at a red light, all of his Facebook friends and family, and the server who waited us on at the restaurant where he took me to celebrate on the night that we found out. Miracles do happen and sometimes doctors can be wrong!   

 

Hold Them Accountable!

As I did my norm of sitting at the kitchen table and eating, I pulled up Facebook on my iPhone. I scrolled down the time line and was stopped in my tracks by a friend’s status: “Eddie Long ‘Crowning’: Why do Black churches often put pastors on a pedestal?” I stared blankly and hoped that I was reading wrong. My body grew hot with rage and disbelief when I clicked the link and read all about Eddie Long being crowned king by who was supposedly a Rabbi. I watched in revulsion as he was wrapped in a tallis and raised up over his congregation on a throne. WHAT!? I am confused and mystified at how his congregation could still be so large and supportive of this man. They are still giving millions of dollars to this church and to this “pastor” who has molested boys and gay bashed. I want to walk in that church and scream at the top of my voice: HELLO? WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

This man is accused of touching on boys. He settled out of court. Even though it has not been said that he had extramarital affairs while married, in my opinion he did cheat on his wife………when he was molesting little boys. He spent millions to keep them quiet and to buy their trust. He looked their parents in their faces….and took their money on Sundays. HE TOOK THESE PEOPLES MONEY AND TOUCHED ON THEIR CHILDREN…..that’s enough to make me start looking for another place to worship. I don’t care what kind of church it is, if he is not being fired or at least being asked to step down temporarily while everything is sorted out, I got to go! That’s enough to make me talk to my children and find out if they have anything to tell me and if they do, that’s enough for me to speak up and make sure that he pays for what he has done and is doing.

Here is my problem with the title of that article and video: Black churches are not the only churches that overlook things and that like to play ignorant. Catholic priests have been called out on many of occasions and still people attend those churches. The title should have been written to address the problem within all churches that pastors, bishops, etc. are regarded as if they are God themselves.

Black people are also not the only race of people who do not know how to hold people accountable and make them pay for what they have done. CHRIS BROWN. If I felt like it I could in fact end this paragraph here because it is self-explanatory what I am getting at. This young man beat the holy hell out of his girlfriend but he is still selling music, touring, making appearances, and making money. Apparently the world has forgiven him…..but not without people saying that maybe his girlfriend bought it on herself. Maybe it wasn’t him but instead a look-a-like. I’m sure that not only Black people buy his music and purchase his concert tickets.

Kobe Bryant.

The singer R Kelly.

Tiger Woods.

………and the list goes on and on and on and on but I’m sure you get my drift.

My point is that not only Black people put Pastors on a pedestal and that the world puts celebrities themselves on pedestals. This is a problem because due to this, we are left with situations such as Eddie Long and this stupid a- crowning stunt. We need to start making people answer for the things that they have done!

Letter From A Reader (2)

To MsPoetress,

I have been following your blog for a while now and it’s so interesting! I absolutely love reading what you have to say and I actually look forward to it. I’m writing so that I can get your perspective on my situation and also to maybe borrow some of your strength and courage. I am a female, (as you can see from my email address) a Christian, and I am living in a domestic violent situation. I am 32 with 4 children and I have been with my abuser (their father) for 10 years. The physical abuse hasn’t always been a part of our relationship; it started about 4 years ago after his father passed away. At first he would only cuss at me and call me names (which I’m too much of a lady to even spell out to you) then that turned into a push or shove and finally slapping and punching. Any little thing that I do that is not to his liking I get his “attention” as he calls it. He has fractured my left arm and even spit on me. My children are afraid and I am too but I’m more afraid of being alone without him. I’ve never had a job and I know that I cannot financially support my children without any skills. I’ve never told anyone about this because I’m afraid that they may get my children taken away. I have never tried to leave either because there is nowhere for me to go. He knows where all of my family lives and I have no friends (because of him.) Any advice, ideas, or comments you can offer me would be greatly appreciated, especially with your humor. I know that some would like you to be more serious in your replies but I for one encourage the humor. Right about now I could use a good laugh.

Hello abused and alone. First let me say that I appreciate your attention to my blog and I thank you for reading. I feel honored that you have chosen me and my blog to finally let this secret out. Second let me say that there will be no humor in my response to you. I believe that domestic violence is serious and there is nothing at all funny about it. Let me also apologize now if I hurt your feelings or offend you in any way in my response.

Although tears dripped down my face as I read your email, those tears were not for you they were for your children. Those poor defenseless children who are growing up and learning the lesson early that they need to fear anything or ANYONE. They are scared of their parent. He is teaching his children how to be violent and abusive while you are teaching them that it is okay to be abused. This is not okay. A mother’s job is to protect her children and I hope that you understand that by allowing them to witness the things that they are witnessing means that you aren’t and haven’t been protecting them. Maybe that was a bit harsh? You need somebody to say to you what I’m saying because sometimes it takes another person telling us the things that we already know to put some fire up under our asses and motivate us to do what is necessary.

I do have pity for you, I do have sympathy for you but I also understand you and if you are anything like me, you don’t want pity or sympathy from anyone; you just want to find the strength to fix the situation. Honey I know it isn’t easy to break away but you know that is what needs to happen for the sake of yourself and the children. I know that it is a scary thought when you think about living without what you have lived with for so long. I have stated that I have been where you are and while going through, I had little to no self-esteem. I didn’t value myself and I began to believe what my abuser said about me: that I was lazy, good for nothing, ugly, stupid, that I was worth nothing, that I deserved everything he gave to me in the form of physical abuse because I talked too much, or I thought I was better than him. No amount of advice from anyone could motivate me to leave and put an end to the abuse; I had to decide for myself that I was sick and tired….same for you.

I hope that it doesn’t take you as long as it took me to put an end to the madness but when you are ready, start with calling the national domestic violence hotline number that I have provided for you. They will help find a battered woman’s shelter for you and your children. Most people shy away at the sound of that but in your situation you probably don’t have money saved to just pick up and go to start over with your own place. A shelter like this will prepare you and give you the tools necessary to start a life without your abuser. You are not alone and it will probably surprise you to see how many other women are going through what you’re going through. A place like a battered woman’s shelter will put you in the company of others and therefore; there will not be any judgment. There are also counselors in these places that can help you with building yourself back up as far as confidence and self-esteem and you will be surprised here to when you see how much you can actually accomplish when you start feeling good about yourself and your capabilities. They will also protect you from your abuser. These places are designed to tuck you safely away from the person who is hurting you and they are normally very discreet.

I mentioned earlier that you most likely want to find the strength to fix the situation, well here it is: (Look into the nearest mirror and scream after me) I WAS NOT PUT ON THIS EARTH TO BE ANYONE’S PUNCHING BAG! Good job! Now look at all of your scared children in their eyes…see the fear? The hurt? The confusion? The depression? The questions? The anger? Now feel what you see in those young eyes…..Now…..wait until he goes out for work and call that number I sent you. Then…get the hell out of there and start working on yourself and helping your children to heal from all that they have seen and experienced!

I can write to you and tell you that you need to get away. That there are people, places, and programs out there that can help you and your children. That you don’t deserve what he is doing to you. That there is a man out there that can offer you a healthier relationship when you are ready. That you don’t have to be afraid to stand on your own two feet and take care of your children…but none of that will mean a damn thing until you are ready.

Not only did I take the time to cry for your children, to respond to your email, and to pray for you but I also wrote you this poem…That’s right…just for you. Why? Because you are important and worthy:

The woman who cries, she cries for many things

For the love who hurt her, broke her down like she was no-thing

She calls out to God praying for it to stop

And she remains where she is, tied to the spot as if rooted down by a knot

She cries

For her children who watch with fearful eyes

Unable to protect that which she’s created, she can only sigh

In resignation because she is afraid

To step out on faith

She cries

Because of her still healing bones

The bruises to her face that she can’t cover up

The hate that she sees in his eyes

As he viciously attacks her and dares her to whine

She cries

For strength to pull herself up and leave

She realizes that indeed she can be free.

Can People Change?

Can people change? I believe that people can change. A liar can stop telling lies and make a conscious decision and effort to only spit the truth. A liar can take into account that their story-telling hurts and offends people.

An abuser can stop abusing others. An abuser can tell themselves that they do not want to hurt the people that they love anymore. A cheater can stop cheating. A cheater is capable of understanding that their action is the reason why they are hurting their significant other.

 

A thief can stop stealing. A thief can resist putting their hands on things that do not belong to them.

 

Okay, so maybe the better question is, “Do people change?” I believe that people CAN change but I think more often than not, they do not. Most people do not like change and when change is implemented, they resist it and try their hardest to fight against it. If your employer starts changing things around how often have you said, “I don’t know why they’re changing things around; we’ve been doing things this way for the last 10 years!” I think that most people are unable to face truths about themselves which means that they don’t truly know themselves, which in turn makes them vulnerable to people telling them who they THINK they are and it ultimately affects their ability to change because they don’t know themselves so they take another person’s view of themselves on as truth and if others say there is nothing wrong, well then they have no changes to make…..Did ya follow that? If not, go back and read it slowly….I even had to a few times.

On a personal scale, how often do you take a close look at the person you are and realize that there are things about yourself that you need to change? How often do you look at the company you keep and realize that there are things about them that they would benefit from changing? If you are like me then the answer to these questions is often.

Many years ago a wise woman told me that there is always room for growth and that we should never stop striving to be better people. Now that I am older and I have children, I constantly hear her voice in my head giving me this insight. I figured out though that in order to strive to be a better person, I had to self-reflect and be honest with myself about who I was.

If you knew me four years ago you would probably realize that I have come a long way but the journey was not easy in the least. I spent plenty of time looking at myself and being my own biggest critic. I knew that in my heart I was a good person, that I cared about others and that I was compassionate. On the other hand I was also argumentative, unforgiving, aggressive, and confrontational. I soon figured out that while most of these things were not necessarily bad, there had to be a healthy balance. These things are still a part of who I am BUT I have learned that we have to know when change is necessary.

I will argue you down on issues that I feel strongly about. I am aggressive to the point that I know what I want out of my life and I am willing to put the work in to get there and if you are standing in my way I’ll simply steamroll over you. I will confront you if I feel like it is necessary but I won’t waste my precious time on trivial shit. I am still working on being able to forgive people who I feel have wronged me. See? Honesty…and nobody got hurt!

Now, not everyone is going to like you. Hell, not everyone likes you now without changing things about yourself BUT your personal change is not for everyone else; it’s for you! Follow me here…..I look at myself and decide to change things about me…for ME. I am not interested in how others see me because people are going to see what they want to see regardless of who you truly are. I work hard at pleasing myself because the opinion I hold of myself is the only one (besides God’s opinion) that matters. I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AND LIKE WHAT I SEE!

Moral of the story: be a strong enough person to want to make the changes necessary to be a better person…for YOU! Yes it is hard to not consider how other people view you but trust my truth that people will judge you and test you no matter who you are as a person at the core of your being. Once you are able to truthfully see yourself and to start making steps to being a better person, no one can tell you who they THINK you are. You KNOW who you are and therefore; they have NO power over you!

I’ll have an Order of Acceptance Please!

Years ago I lay across my bed and wept. My heart was broken and I was confused as to where I had gone wrong. I had gone through a bad breakup with someone whom I thought had loved me. We’d been together for two years and in that time I’d done everything I thought possible to keep him happy. Out of the blue he’d decided that the relationship was over. None of my attempts to get him to change his mind had worked and I knew in my heart that the relationship I’d fought so hard to keep together had come to an end. My sister walked into the room where I lay weeping like a fool and said, “You shouldn’t lay there crying and feeling sorry. You’ve done everything you could and now it’s time to simply accept.” Years later and much wiser, I can now look back and understand exactly what she was saying.

Acceptance is one of the hardest concepts for us as humans to grasp. For most of us, accepting our circumstances and situations is a hard pill to swallow. In most circumstances, to accept something like a break up means that we have to be honest and admit that we are not perfect. That we made some mistakes. That the person is just not that into us. While all of these are painful to realize about ourselves, I believe that it is vital! If someone does something to you that hurts you, it will bring you a long way to accept that 1: it was done and 2: there is nothing that you can do to make it all better. There would be no crying oneself to sleep at night over a lost love. A person would not feel the need to harbor ill feelings towards another person and it would be a much smoother transition into moving on; all if we allowed ourselves to think rationally and accept that we can’t control everything and everyone.

Outside of gaining acceptance in relationship circumstances, we must also gain acceptance in life situations. For instance, some of us have had not so great childhoods and some of you even reading this right now are fighting things like addictions. Accept that your parents are not and never will be perfect. They have made plenty of mistakes and if given the chance, most would do things differently. Also accept that as much as your upbringing pains you still, none of us can go back to the past. Accept that what has been done has been done and that to hold on to hurt forever hurts you as a person more than you realize. Accept that there are things about you (and every other person who walks this earth) that if you had the courage, could afford to be changed. Acceptance of your past has a way of freeing us all to be the people that we are truly meant to be!

Accept responsibility! Accept that you have an addiction that hurts you and everyone around you. Accept that you are not perfect and that you have a weakness. Accept that it is going to take work to control that addiction and accept that you and only you have the power to change your situation.

Moral of the story is: acceptance will free you! It will allow you to grow and it will stop you from holding onto things that will be detrimental to your life…..it will keep you from wasting precious time and it in turn, allow you more time to concentrate on important aspects of your life…..

Tug-of-Position-War

In many marriages and relationships there often tends to be a struggle for position. What I mean by that is that there is usually some idiotic family member or friend of the wife or husband who doesn’t know their position and who thinks that they should be the most important person in his/her life. This person feels that because they have obviously known the person longer than the significant other, they have been friends for many years with him/her, they have been in dangerous situations along with him//her; that these are valid reasons why they are and should be the most important person in his/her life. All of this regardless of the plain simple truth that they are NOT and NEVER will be more important than the wife or husband.

This person is clearly deranged and be warned, THEY WILL ATTEMPT TO CAUSE PROBLEMS! At first this person will come around as if they have no ulterior motive but as time goes on, it will become very clear that they feel like you are second to them in your spouse’s life. They will try to plant seeds by saying things like, “That’s my friend and I know him/her better than you do.” Take my advice though: don’t play into the game because at the end of the day you can show them better than you can tell them! Your partner’s actions will indeed kill all of the jealous friends ridiculous thought processes (telling the friend that they are no longer welcome to hang around, plainly stating that the friend is retarded, Etc.)

Depending on your religious beliefs you may believe that God blesses marriages and that he said let no man break apart what he has put together. In believing that, you believe that no matter what this brainless, immature human being tries, it will never work. So, fear not! Sit back and watch the show as they try to destroy what you worked hard to build. Stay seated as God steps in and handles it as well. Nine times out of ten the “friend” ends up with hurt feelings BUT now they know their place……Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy down the list past GOD, spouse, children, family, (mothers, brothers, sisters, etc.) bills, career, groceries, getting new brakes for the car, getting a mani/pedi next week, mowing the lawn, calling grandma to hear her voice, planting flowers in the front yard…..then finally ”friend.”

Here is a bit of advice of all newly married couples: keep people out of your space! The less people you have in your space (living in your home or visiting VERY often) the less issues there will be within your union. Pay attention here! I don’t care if you get a call that someone got hit by a Mack truck and needs a quiet place to heal. Tell them that you think it is in everyone’s best interest that the person heals anywhere but in your space. This is especially if you find that there are little to no issues within your relationship until certain people are introduced into the equation. This is also for those that realize as a couple that while they may have love for others, some of those others clearly do not have real love for them.

Cheaters Revealed!

I am one of those people who still believes in the sanctity of marriage. I believe that it is recognized by God and I believe that each person that professes their love and devotion, who makes promises before God and witnesses, is responsible spiritually if they do not hold up their end of the bargain.

I have been told by more than a few people since I got married that I am naïve and that I am going to end up hurt because I trust my mate entirely. I trust that he took our vows seriously and I trust that he feels that we are meant to be together. I feel like if I have to second-guess him then we should not have gotten married! I normally tell these people that I am not stupid and that I had a life before my husband. I have seen a lot of things and I have experienced other things so I cannot be as naïve as they think that I am. I tell them that I would know for sure if my husband was cheating because I know most if not all of the signs and here are a few:

1)      His schedule starts changing. All of a sudden he has to stay longer hours at work but he doesn’t pick up the phone when I call him and he never returns my call. He claims that he was swamped and had no time to pick up the call. Not saying that this could not be the truth, but a person who is being faithful will pick up even if just to say, “I’m extremely busy but I’ll call you back soon.” (Also depends on what kind of job the suspected cheater has also.)

2)      He starts spending nights away from home. If his job does not require him to travel there should be no reason why he spends the night anywhere but on his side of our bed.

3)      He is normally a “home-body” but now he prefers to hang out five nights a week with his friends. Uhm…..no! Personally I believe that there is a significant problem with a grown man who prefers to hang out with his friends over being in the company of a woman that he loves and finds attractive. Not that there is anything wrong with getting his “man fun” on, but not in excess.

4)       He has no money. What has happened to the money in the bank accounts? Where has it gone? He has no answers and the only reply he offers when he is asked about missing funds is, “I don’t know.” Well let’s see here: if I have not spent it and it is not in the account then that means you have taken it. He is either moving money to other places because he secretly wants to leave the relationship (and is making sure that he has funds…BLAH BLAH BLAH) OR he is spending my damn money on someone else. (He may also have an addiction of some kind but that would not be my first guess if it were me and this is not the blog for that!)

5)      He gets calls and texts at weird hours of the day and night but he never picks. Why won’t he answer the phone? Why won’t he text back or if he is texting back, why when I look in the phone all the texts are erased? Hmmmm……

6)      Beware of repeated phone calls/texts with no name and just a number!

Of course any one of these signs could be coincidental. There could be valid reasons for all BUT all of these things happening at one time (or in close proximity) with no explanations is quite suspicious in my book. Now these are just a few of the things that would tip me off, what would tip you off?

Letter From a Reader (Entertainment Purposes Only)

To Melody S.

I am really enjoying your blog and I’m happy that I found it. My question to you is what am I supposed to do if there is no satisfaction in the bedroom between myself and my spouse? I am in my late 20’s and so is he. We have been together for a few years and I know that some people say that after a while it gets boring, but I just feel that we still need to be engaging in great sex. I have been faking orgasms for a while now and I’m tired of doing that. I’d like to actually have an orgasm sometime soon.

Signed,

Wanting Orgasmic Pleasure

First let me say this….POOR BABY! I agree with those people that sometimes you do find that you get bored BUT that is why the both of you have to work at keeping the spice. I don’t know about you, but personally I will do whatever it takes to make sure that I am satisfied in the end.

I’m sure you are familiar with Kama Sutra but there’s really more that the two of you can do other than just new sex positions. Don’t misunderstand me, new sex positions work also! If you all have been performing straight missionary, switch it up and bend over the couch baby!

One thing that you can do is to role play. It sounds a little corny but it might actually work. You are the naughty nurse and he is a patient or something of the sort and of course you have to dress the part. Men like NEW, so making him feel like you are different (in your appearance, pulling him into the role so that he really feels as if the two of you don’t know one another, etc.) may just make him work a little harder to please you.

Seeing you in something like this will most likely get you the results that you seek!

Spontaneity is something else that you could try although you may not be as spontaneous as some of us who get a thrill from the thought alone of being caught. Go to the movies, buy tickets for a corny movie that you know a lot of people aren’t going to see, sit at the back, and be spontaneous. Make it fun and bet him that you can make him moan louder than the movie that is playing. Pull over on the side of the road one night while you all are driving and be spontaneous. Jump in the back seat and go at it like it’s your first date and you need him to wipe “the cobwebs” off of that thing. Put something in his mouth while he is sleeping and let him wake up surprised (you have a lot of body parts so be creative.)

 Now just imagine what you can put in there! ^

Don’t forget the foreplay! As I just stated, make him put something into his mouth and put something into yours. If you’re like some, then you like things with flavor. Keep tasty oils, creams, and lubricants handy.

Be creative! Let him come home from work one day to find you on the dining room table naked and covered in a flavor that he likes. If your man enjoys oxtails and white rice you need to be smothering yourself in it! if he likes peanut butter and jelly…then you know what time it is!

You can also try sitting him down and telling him what’s on your mind (although this way is not nearly as fun.) Let him know that you want more sexually and that you are also willing to give more. DO NOT TELL HIM THAT YOU HAVE BEEN FAKING IT!! This is very important because you don’t want to crush his ego.

Good luck!

Stop It With Your Damn Complaining!

I received an angry text the other day from a friend of mine who was pissed about people who always complain about their situations in life, but they are not doing anything to change it. The text message read something like this:

“I have a great idea for one of your blogs! You should write about stupid ass people who complain that they don’t have a job but they are not doing anything in order to get a job. This really pisses me off because it’s like, what do they expect? Pity!”

Friend I could not agree with you more! While I understand that finding employment is not as easy as it was 15 years ago, it is not impossible either. The main difference now is that you actually have to put work into finding a job.

I find that I am greatly annoyed with people who call me up to tell me the woes they are having all because they don’t have a job.

“Man, I swear my life would be right if I just had a job.”

“My hand to God I would pay my child support if only I had a job.”

-all of this while smoking a blunt.

Here are 3 questions that I have posed to people when I got tired of listening to their grievances (feel free to use all or any combination of the 3 questions listed below):

How the hell do you expect to get a job if you can’t pop clean on a drug test?

(Typical answer: My grandfather’s cousin baby mama’s step uncle told me about these pills that flush the Mary Jane out of my system so I’m not worried about that.)

How do you expect to find a job if you walk into an establishment to ask for an application and everything from your hairline down to your toes is covered in ink?

(Typical answer: All of these 2,374,594,4994 tat’s mean something special and they are also an expression of who I am so the rest of the world needs to respect my individuality.)

How do you expect to get a job when you don’t get up out of the bed until 4:30 in the afternoon?

(Typical answer: I’m just always so tired.)

There is nothing wrong with inhaling a bit of the smooth-grove juice (Mary Jane) if that’s your thing and there is nothing wrong with nice body art (if that’s your thing) BUT everything in moderation people!

Another thing I like to tell people (especially the ones that I know just want pity and/or just like to waste my damn time) is, “Well maybe you should create your own job….you know…start your own company….” That one always stops my phone from ringing for a few days!

 

Freeing Myself

A few months ago I cut off all of my hair. When I say all of it, I mean all of it. I sat down in the barber’s chair and when I got up I was left with a short fade. I did not do this because everyone was doing it. I did not do this because I was seeking attention. I did it because it was what I wanted to do! Oddly enough, by doing this I became a target for the negative and positive.

 People stared rudely (it seems as if they cannot help it) at what they considered to be different. Everywhere that I went I noticed people openly staring at me. It was apparent that they had either never learned or had completely forgotten that it is rude to stare at people.

Young men and women would point at me and snicker and some would do this while frowning up their faces. On one Sunday morning my family and I had gone to church, the same church that we had been attending for over a year. I had seen the young men and women already staring at me, whispering to one another, and some sneaking peeks at me from the corner of their eyes. This is Montgomery Alabama so yes; they were all in a group and participating in this behavior as a whole. One of the young men in the church and of the group casually walked up to me and with a disgusted look on his face asked, “What made you cut your hair off?”

My response was, “Please tell me why it is important to your life that I answer that ignorant question?”

He walked away, presumably to report back to the group that was waiting for my response. RUNTELLDAT!

While the question alone was not ignorant, the manner in which he (they) asked the question was very ignorant to me. I learned that because society is conditioned to seeing people in certain ways (weaves, braids, and for men fade haircuts) it is hard for them to accept anything that is different from what they consider to be the “norm.”

One thing that I did find interesting was that the older men and women looked at me as if I were the most courageous person that they had ever seen. I had a few approach me and tell me that I was beautiful in all of my natural form and that they could see that I was brave (this happened every single time that I traveled up to Atlanta Georgia.)

When I separated myself from my hair and the social norms, I gained this new kind of confidence. There was nothing to hide behind (no big hair, no weave swooped to the front of my face) and so what you see is really me. This new haircut made me feel more beautiful than I have ever felt before! It made me realize that while I took a bold step, I am different and no matter what anyone else thinks, I am going to remain that way. I realize that I like being a part from the crowd! I want to stand on the outside of the circle and move to the beat of my own drum!