*A lot of my writing on this blog has been comical and light-hearted, but not today!*
Most if not all of us knows a cheater, has been a cheater or is currently a cheater. I have been receiving a lot of tearful phone calls and emotional emails these days about marriages breaking up and relationships on the rocks because he or she is cheating. The one that sticks out the most in my mind though is a couple who has been married for about 10 years.
They have grown children but the marriage is on the rocks. While I can sympathize with the woman because I can see how the cheating might affect the way she feels about herself and all that, I have a hard time really feeling completely sorry for her. This man has cheated before! Before they even walked down the aisle he cheated AND after they were married he cheated.
In my mind I’m having a hard time understanding why one would be surprised. I cannot fathom why we as people cannot believe a person the first time when they show us who they truly are. I know that some people just need a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes they just want to tell another person what they are going through. Sometimes they want sympathy. These things are hard for me when deep inside I feel like you have brought this on yourself by ignoring the big red signs that he was giving you.
I was watching a talk show the other day and the woman was saying that because her husband cheats on her, she was going to get plastic surgery. She felt that if she could make herself prettier then he would stop cheating. Huh? I was dumbfounded as I sat and watched this perfectly fine young woman talk about her husband’s infidelities. She was so confused about her own self-worth that she was willing to get operations and risk her life to keep this man at home and from straying. If no one else sees a problem with that thinking, I do. She even mentioned during the segment that he had cheated on her before the marriage and apparently he was still at it. AGAIN: why is she crying and so hurt?
Of course I’m not saying that people can’t change, I’m just saying that if a person repeatedly shows you something, it’s best to adopt the thinking that they are not lying to you!
I understand that for a woman, cheating can make us feel like we are less than. It has the power to make us question our femininity and to make us doubt ourselves. At the same time, we have to learn to take a step back and look at the situation from a realist point of view. If a man (or woman) cheats that is their character. That is who they are as a person and most times it has nothing to do with their significant other and what that person is or isn’t doing. It has been my experience that cheaters don’t need a real valid reason, they do what they want to do regardless of how the other person might feel once the dirty secret is found out.
(Oh by the way since you’re here, dont forget to pick up your copy of my new book Loves Wrong Turns by Melody S on Amazon!!)