Kidney Donor Note #4

Its been one entire year since the transplant and my husband is doing very well:

  • Kidney is functioning extremely well! Creatinine level is 1.1 meaning that his new kidney is doing its job and his body isn’t rejecting it.
  • He’s been taken off of four out of five of his daily blood pressure medications.
  • Appetite has fully returned! His weight on the day of surgery was 163 lbs and he now weighs 210 lbs. Right now he claims to be on a diet……. 0_o
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  • His energy level has significantly increased.
  • His skin color has returned back to normal and his eyes no longer appear to be sunken in.
  • There are still certain parts of the scar that are numb. We were made aware beforehand that this could possibly happen and that if it did, the chances of regaining feeling in those areas were slim.
  • The swelling around his scar has dramatically decreased.

I am also doing quite well. In fact, I’m doing so well that our baby girl just turned three months.

*Insert your happy smile.*

Now you’re staring at the screen in confusion.

……And you’ve just done the math!

We became pregnant only about one month after the surgery. It wasn’t my fault but I don’t blame my hubby for being unable to control himself. All of this sexiness? C’mon! We can all give the young man a break here. Lol.

Our only daughters name is Harmony Rain Miller and despite the warning that she could be physically deformed due to the medications we were both on, she is the most bestest, awesomest, and cutest little diva ever! She’s amazing, and tiny, and smiley, and snuggly. *insert happy sigh*

*Grudgingly shares pic*

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*Grudgingly shares another*

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So the moral of the story is that a year later and we’re still WINNING! To those who have prayed for us, stuck by us, and loved on us, THANK YOU! We are so very lucky to have the support system that we do and we appreciate each and every single one of you!

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“It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye.”

Having this blog has been such a positive learning experience for me and although I would love to keep posting, I have become extremely busy with writing and running my own business. This will be the last post on this blog but I would love to stay connected with all of you other bloggers, readers, and authors. Please feel free to post links in the comment section below or email me with your FB, Twitter, or Instagram links so that I can keep up with all of you!

You can “like” my authors page on FB here: http://www.facebook.com/melodytheauthor2

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Check out my website here: http://www.melodytheauthor.com

Check out my publishing business website here: http://www.dreamcloudpublications.webs.com

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Love Always,

Melody S.

A Humorous Look at Mothering

I can say with complete and total honesty that I love being a mother. I love spending time with my children and some of my favorite life moments have either been shared with my children, or inspired by them. Children are great! They are innocent and when they grow up to turn out successful, the product of all of a parent’s hard work and dedication.

Most people believe that from the time of conception until a child is grown and rusty, everything that happens is cute and special. While this may be true of some things, other things just don’t evoke feelings of warm and fuzziness within me. Let’s keep it real, certain jobs expected of a mother are just downright punishing!

Changing Diapers-

Thus far I’ve only had the pleasure of raising boys and I must say that of all my mommy duties, this is the most dreaded one. I put his little body on top of the changing table and remove the wet diaper. He’s a little squirmy of course because he’s wet and he doesn’t like the feel of it on his bottom. Once removed, I place the diaper into the genie. Now because I am a mom and that means that I have super powers, a clean diaper magically appears in my hand as I am throwing out the used one. Coming up to re-diaper the tiny body of a male human, he pee’s dead in the center of my face. As if he was aiming a pistol and has a master shot, the pee lands squarely in between my eyes. A human has just urinated in my face! His bodily waste is cascading down over my nose and leaking off of my chin. Call me crazy but in my book, getting peed on is in no way cute!

Throw Up/Vomit

So, now that I’ve showered and changed my clothes, I no longer reek of urine. I’ve gotten into the shower and scraped my face until it is raw and sore to the touch (because of course I’m grossed out by my little baby’s bad manners.) It’s feeding time and I hold him cradled in my arms. Having his fill, this little guy needs a good burp now so that he won’t be gassy. Holding him with his little head lying just a bit over my shoulder, I pat his back trying to coax it out. Wearing only a thin shirt with spaghetti straps (for comfort) I become aware of something slowly oozing down my back. It feels warm and disgusting. Vomit! My heart is not filled with sunshine. I am not smiling. Pride does not bubble over within my soul. Time for the second shower of the morning.

Standing

Depending on how fast your baby is “moving” you may experience his want to stand sooner rather than later. In my case, J.R. is two months old and has been demanding to stand since he was about four or five weeks. I’ll hold him in the cradle position and try to snuggle but no, he’s not going for it. He straightens his whole body out and holds it stiff as a board. His toes are pointed, little arms unbending, hands curled into tight fists, his back is ram-rod straight and his knees are locked. This does not feel good on my arms and I know that in his nonverbal way he wants me to know that I better stand him up or else. I don’t want any trouble and so I stand him up. He has beaten me. Little J.R. has won the match and beaten me. I am his slave and he is calling all the shots. In what way is this cute and special? It’s NOT! It doesn’t make me feel proud of myself as a big grown adult to have to acknowledge that an infant is running things!

Crying

Some people really think that a crying baby is cute. I have heard people say, “Aw listen to him cry! He sounds so cute with his little voice!” Really? I must be totally out of my mind because a crying baby has the potential to make me go stark MAD! In my case, when my oldest (who we call Bird) was a baby he could cry for what seemed like an eternity. He was so used to being held that whenever I would try to sit or lay him down, he would scream at the top of his lungs. My mother’s advice was to allow him to cry it out for short intervals at a time and eventually he would get used to not being held all the time. I always thought my mother was a pretty smart lady. I really thought she knew everything and could solve any problem bought before her. Boy was I wrong! No matter how short or long of an interval I attempted to let him cry, my Bird never gave up. I knew he was never going to be a quitter because he won every single match! I was so determined to beat him at this game that while he was crying, I’d sit right in front of him giving him the challenge stare. Letting him look into my eyes and see that I wasn’t afraid of him. He’d scream at the top of his lungs looking me right back in my eyes with a look that said, “You’ll never win so you may as well accept defeat and PICK ME UP!”

Mothering is challenging but fun and rewarding. This is the one job that I know for certain I am very good at. I enjoy all aspects even though I may not always see the humor while in the moment. I think one thing that can take away a lot of the stress of being a mom is having a sense of humor; being able to laugh at your little people AND yourself. Just throw your head back and let out a big loud belly laugh at the fact that this little person has you running in circles and wrapped around his little finger!

Proper Facebook Etiquette.

 As I scroll down my Facebook timeline I often think to myself, “WTF”? I know that I can’t be alone. If you have been reading my blog for a while, then you know that I have written about Facebook before but this time it’s different. Certain things that I see I just want to reach through my computer or whatever device I happen to be on at the moment, and punch people right in the face. There needs to be some written Facebook etiquette rules because some of ya’ll need some act right, some learning, so I took the liberty. I figured if I write the rules then it will save some of you from getting punched in the throat!

1)      Please ignore the “people you may know” box on the right side of your screen if you do not actually know the person.

Now this rule is for those who just have a regular page not a fan page or any of the like. If you do not personally know someone meaning the two of you have never sat down and had a personal conversation, never hung out, never went to school together, never worked together, etc. THEN YOU DO NOT KNOW THE PERSON! Just because a person may know someone that you know doesn’t mean that you know them (DUH.) It is not proper etiquette to “FRIEND SHOP” off of other peoples Facebook friends lists! Oh…I get it…you want to appear popular? Ha!

2)      If you are anti-social and you do not “like” statuses or ever leave comments for any of your friends, stop expecting people to like and leave comments on your stuff.

 3)      Do not send game requests over and over and over again to people that you know DO NOT PLAY! It’s just rude and annoying as all hell.

 4)      Stop posting links that do not lead anywhere.

 Make sure that your ghetto link leads to somewhere BEFORE you post it! It’s like stopping to ask for directions and instead of a person telling you they don’t know where the location is, they act like they do and send you all over the damn planet. That’s rude!

 5)      It is not proper to post your whole entire life online then get mad because people are talking about you.

Facebook post: “I just had my 20th can of beer and now I’m about to drive home.”

Facebook comments: “You really should call a taxi.”

                                       “That is not the responsible thing to do.”

Your next Facebook post: “I am so tired of people always being in my damn business!”

Really?

6)      Do not tag people in corny pictures of quotes. If it isn’t funny or cute, do NOT go tagging everybody in it damnit!

7)      (For my creative folks) If people can’t post links on your wall of projects that they are working on (books, music, dancing, etc.) then DO NOT feel free to post your link on anybody else’s wall.  

 8)      It is rude to internet stalk….do not do it!

 That means do not delete someone (or get deleted by someone) and then go stalking the person’s page from someone else’s page. This is not only rude, but creepy as well.

 9)      DO NOT tag yourself in other people’s pictures!

I would think that if they wanted you tagged in their pic, they would have tagged you themselves…don’t ‘cha think?

 10)   This is the most important etiquette rule of all: DO NOT KILL PEOPLE THAT YOU MEET OFF OF FACEBOOK OR THAT YOU HAVE AS “FRIENDS”!

This is rude. This is NOT normal behavior. Stop it!

Hold Them Accountable!

As I did my norm of sitting at the kitchen table and eating, I pulled up Facebook on my iPhone. I scrolled down the time line and was stopped in my tracks by a friend’s status: “Eddie Long ‘Crowning’: Why do Black churches often put pastors on a pedestal?” I stared blankly and hoped that I was reading wrong. My body grew hot with rage and disbelief when I clicked the link and read all about Eddie Long being crowned king by who was supposedly a Rabbi. I watched in revulsion as he was wrapped in a tallis and raised up over his congregation on a throne. WHAT!? I am confused and mystified at how his congregation could still be so large and supportive of this man. They are still giving millions of dollars to this church and to this “pastor” who has molested boys and gay bashed. I want to walk in that church and scream at the top of my voice: HELLO? WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

This man is accused of touching on boys. He settled out of court. Even though it has not been said that he had extramarital affairs while married, in my opinion he did cheat on his wife………when he was molesting little boys. He spent millions to keep them quiet and to buy their trust. He looked their parents in their faces….and took their money on Sundays. HE TOOK THESE PEOPLES MONEY AND TOUCHED ON THEIR CHILDREN…..that’s enough to make me start looking for another place to worship. I don’t care what kind of church it is, if he is not being fired or at least being asked to step down temporarily while everything is sorted out, I got to go! That’s enough to make me talk to my children and find out if they have anything to tell me and if they do, that’s enough for me to speak up and make sure that he pays for what he has done and is doing.

Here is my problem with the title of that article and video: Black churches are not the only churches that overlook things and that like to play ignorant. Catholic priests have been called out on many of occasions and still people attend those churches. The title should have been written to address the problem within all churches that pastors, bishops, etc. are regarded as if they are God themselves.

Black people are also not the only race of people who do not know how to hold people accountable and make them pay for what they have done. CHRIS BROWN. If I felt like it I could in fact end this paragraph here because it is self-explanatory what I am getting at. This young man beat the holy hell out of his girlfriend but he is still selling music, touring, making appearances, and making money. Apparently the world has forgiven him…..but not without people saying that maybe his girlfriend bought it on herself. Maybe it wasn’t him but instead a look-a-like. I’m sure that not only Black people buy his music and purchase his concert tickets.

Kobe Bryant.

The singer R Kelly.

Tiger Woods.

………and the list goes on and on and on and on but I’m sure you get my drift.

My point is that not only Black people put Pastors on a pedestal and that the world puts celebrities themselves on pedestals. This is a problem because due to this, we are left with situations such as Eddie Long and this stupid a- crowning stunt. We need to start making people answer for the things that they have done!

Can People Change?

Can people change? I believe that people can change. A liar can stop telling lies and make a conscious decision and effort to only spit the truth. A liar can take into account that their story-telling hurts and offends people.

An abuser can stop abusing others. An abuser can tell themselves that they do not want to hurt the people that they love anymore. A cheater can stop cheating. A cheater is capable of understanding that their action is the reason why they are hurting their significant other.

 

A thief can stop stealing. A thief can resist putting their hands on things that do not belong to them.

 

Okay, so maybe the better question is, “Do people change?” I believe that people CAN change but I think more often than not, they do not. Most people do not like change and when change is implemented, they resist it and try their hardest to fight against it. If your employer starts changing things around how often have you said, “I don’t know why they’re changing things around; we’ve been doing things this way for the last 10 years!” I think that most people are unable to face truths about themselves which means that they don’t truly know themselves, which in turn makes them vulnerable to people telling them who they THINK they are and it ultimately affects their ability to change because they don’t know themselves so they take another person’s view of themselves on as truth and if others say there is nothing wrong, well then they have no changes to make…..Did ya follow that? If not, go back and read it slowly….I even had to a few times.

On a personal scale, how often do you take a close look at the person you are and realize that there are things about yourself that you need to change? How often do you look at the company you keep and realize that there are things about them that they would benefit from changing? If you are like me then the answer to these questions is often.

Many years ago a wise woman told me that there is always room for growth and that we should never stop striving to be better people. Now that I am older and I have children, I constantly hear her voice in my head giving me this insight. I figured out though that in order to strive to be a better person, I had to self-reflect and be honest with myself about who I was.

If you knew me four years ago you would probably realize that I have come a long way but the journey was not easy in the least. I spent plenty of time looking at myself and being my own biggest critic. I knew that in my heart I was a good person, that I cared about others and that I was compassionate. On the other hand I was also argumentative, unforgiving, aggressive, and confrontational. I soon figured out that while most of these things were not necessarily bad, there had to be a healthy balance. These things are still a part of who I am BUT I have learned that we have to know when change is necessary.

I will argue you down on issues that I feel strongly about. I am aggressive to the point that I know what I want out of my life and I am willing to put the work in to get there and if you are standing in my way I’ll simply steamroll over you. I will confront you if I feel like it is necessary but I won’t waste my precious time on trivial shit. I am still working on being able to forgive people who I feel have wronged me. See? Honesty…and nobody got hurt!

Now, not everyone is going to like you. Hell, not everyone likes you now without changing things about yourself BUT your personal change is not for everyone else; it’s for you! Follow me here…..I look at myself and decide to change things about me…for ME. I am not interested in how others see me because people are going to see what they want to see regardless of who you truly are. I work hard at pleasing myself because the opinion I hold of myself is the only one (besides God’s opinion) that matters. I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AND LIKE WHAT I SEE!

Moral of the story: be a strong enough person to want to make the changes necessary to be a better person…for YOU! Yes it is hard to not consider how other people view you but trust my truth that people will judge you and test you no matter who you are as a person at the core of your being. Once you are able to truthfully see yourself and to start making steps to being a better person, no one can tell you who they THINK you are. You KNOW who you are and therefore; they have NO power over you!