Kidney Donor Note #4

Its been one entire year since the transplant and my husband is doing very well:

  • Kidney is functioning extremely well! Creatinine level is 1.1 meaning that his new kidney is doing its job and his body isn’t rejecting it.
  • He’s been taken off of four out of five of his daily blood pressure medications.
  • Appetite has fully returned! His weight on the day of surgery was 163 lbs and he now weighs 210 lbs. Right now he claims to be on a diet……. 0_o
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  • His energy level has significantly increased.
  • His skin color has returned back to normal and his eyes no longer appear to be sunken in.
  • There are still certain parts of the scar that are numb. We were made aware beforehand that this could possibly happen and that if it did, the chances of regaining feeling in those areas were slim.
  • The swelling around his scar has dramatically decreased.

I am also doing quite well. In fact, I’m doing so well that our baby girl just turned three months.

*Insert your happy smile.*

Now you’re staring at the screen in confusion.

……And you’ve just done the math!

We became pregnant only about one month after the surgery. It wasn’t my fault but I don’t blame my hubby for being unable to control himself. All of this sexiness? C’mon! We can all give the young man a break here. Lol.

Our only daughters name is Harmony Rain Miller and despite the warning that she could be physically deformed due to the medications we were both on, she is the most bestest, awesomest, and cutest little diva ever! She’s amazing, and tiny, and smiley, and snuggly. *insert happy sigh*

*Grudgingly shares pic*

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*Grudgingly shares another*

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So the moral of the story is that a year later and we’re still WINNING! To those who have prayed for us, stuck by us, and loved on us, THANK YOU! We are so very lucky to have the support system that we do and we appreciate each and every single one of you!

“It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye.”

Having this blog has been such a positive learning experience for me and although I would love to keep posting, I have become extremely busy with writing and running my own business. This will be the last post on this blog but I would love to stay connected with all of you other bloggers, readers, and authors. Please feel free to post links in the comment section below or email me with your FB, Twitter, or Instagram links so that I can keep up with all of you!

You can “like” my authors page on FB here: http://www.facebook.com/melodytheauthor2

Follow me on twitter @Melodytheauthor

Check out my website here: http://www.melodytheauthor.com

Check out my publishing business website here: http://www.dreamcloudpublications.webs.com

Follow my Pinterest here: http://www.Pinterest.com/MelodySwrites 

Love Always,

Melody S.

How much can we raise together in 30 days?

If you have been following my blog for any significant amount of time then you know that my husband suffers with Lupus SLE. Currently his disease has no cure. There isn’t anything that I can do for him besides offer him my support; or so I thought.

One of the things I promised myself I’d do in 2013 is help other people in whatever way I can. Volunteering at my local Salvation Army, the local animal shelter, and donating my soon to be released children’s books to elementary schools are just a few ideas that I had.

Getting in touch with the Lupus Foundation of America was another idea that I had and I did just that. They directed me to their website and told me to take a look around at all of the different things they were doing and from there, I’d be able to figure out how I could be of service. In the end, I opted to create a donor page in my husband’s honor.

This page informs potential donors of who my husband is and tells his story about having Lupus and the struggles that he’s faced because of his disease. The point of his page is to use my name and what little influence I may have to educate people about Lupus and to raise money for research, education, and advocacy.

You can click on the link below and be taken to his detailed page where you can donate anything you can spare (even if it’s only $1.00) to the foundation in his name.

This donor page will be active for 30 days and our goal is to raise at least $500.00 by February 14th (yes that is Valentine’s Day!) Who’s with me?

http://donate.lupus.org/goto/LaMahr.Miller

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So He’s Cheating…Now What?

*A lot of my writing on this blog has been comical and light-hearted, but not today!*

Most if not all of us knows a cheater, has been a cheater or is currently a cheater. I have been receiving a lot of tearful phone calls and emotional emails these days about marriages breaking up and relationships on the rocks because he or she is cheating. The one that sticks out the most in my mind though is a couple who has been married for about 10 years.

They have grown children but the marriage is on the rocks. While I can sympathize with the woman because I can see how the cheating might affect the way she feels about herself and all that, I have a hard time really feeling completely sorry for her. This man has cheated before! Before they even walked down the aisle he cheated AND after they were married he cheated.

In my mind I’m having a hard time understanding why one would be surprised. I cannot fathom why we as people cannot believe a person the first time when they show us who they truly are. I know that some people just need a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes they just want to tell another person what they are going through. Sometimes they want sympathy. These things are hard for me when deep inside I feel like you have brought this on yourself by ignoring the big red signs that he was giving you.

I was watching a talk show the other day and the woman was saying that because her husband cheats on her, she was going to get plastic surgery. She felt that if she could make herself prettier then he would stop cheating. Huh? I was dumbfounded as I sat and watched this perfectly fine young woman talk about her husband’s infidelities. She was so confused about her own self-worth that she was willing to get operations and risk her life to keep this man at home and from straying. If no one else sees a problem with that thinking, I do. She even mentioned during the segment that he had cheated on her before the marriage and apparently he was still at it. AGAIN: why is she crying and so hurt?

Of course I’m not saying that people can’t change, I’m just saying that if a person repeatedly shows you something, it’s best to adopt the thinking that they are not lying to you!

I understand that for a woman, cheating can make us feel like we are less than. It has the power to make us question our femininity and to make us doubt ourselves. At the same time, we have to learn to take a step back and look at the situation from a realist point of view. If a man (or woman) cheats that is their character. That is who they are as a person and most times it has nothing to do with their significant other and what that person is or isn’t doing. It has been my experience that cheaters don’t need a real valid reason, they do what they want to do regardless of how the other person might feel once the dirty secret is found out.

(Oh by the way since you’re here, dont forget to pick up your copy of my new book Loves Wrong Turns by Melody S on Amazon!!)

Hold Them Accountable!

As I did my norm of sitting at the kitchen table and eating, I pulled up Facebook on my iPhone. I scrolled down the time line and was stopped in my tracks by a friend’s status: “Eddie Long ‘Crowning’: Why do Black churches often put pastors on a pedestal?” I stared blankly and hoped that I was reading wrong. My body grew hot with rage and disbelief when I clicked the link and read all about Eddie Long being crowned king by who was supposedly a Rabbi. I watched in revulsion as he was wrapped in a tallis and raised up over his congregation on a throne. WHAT!? I am confused and mystified at how his congregation could still be so large and supportive of this man. They are still giving millions of dollars to this church and to this “pastor” who has molested boys and gay bashed. I want to walk in that church and scream at the top of my voice: HELLO? WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

This man is accused of touching on boys. He settled out of court. Even though it has not been said that he had extramarital affairs while married, in my opinion he did cheat on his wife………when he was molesting little boys. He spent millions to keep them quiet and to buy their trust. He looked their parents in their faces….and took their money on Sundays. HE TOOK THESE PEOPLES MONEY AND TOUCHED ON THEIR CHILDREN…..that’s enough to make me start looking for another place to worship. I don’t care what kind of church it is, if he is not being fired or at least being asked to step down temporarily while everything is sorted out, I got to go! That’s enough to make me talk to my children and find out if they have anything to tell me and if they do, that’s enough for me to speak up and make sure that he pays for what he has done and is doing.

Here is my problem with the title of that article and video: Black churches are not the only churches that overlook things and that like to play ignorant. Catholic priests have been called out on many of occasions and still people attend those churches. The title should have been written to address the problem within all churches that pastors, bishops, etc. are regarded as if they are God themselves.

Black people are also not the only race of people who do not know how to hold people accountable and make them pay for what they have done. CHRIS BROWN. If I felt like it I could in fact end this paragraph here because it is self-explanatory what I am getting at. This young man beat the holy hell out of his girlfriend but he is still selling music, touring, making appearances, and making money. Apparently the world has forgiven him…..but not without people saying that maybe his girlfriend bought it on herself. Maybe it wasn’t him but instead a look-a-like. I’m sure that not only Black people buy his music and purchase his concert tickets.

Kobe Bryant.

The singer R Kelly.

Tiger Woods.

………and the list goes on and on and on and on but I’m sure you get my drift.

My point is that not only Black people put Pastors on a pedestal and that the world puts celebrities themselves on pedestals. This is a problem because due to this, we are left with situations such as Eddie Long and this stupid a- crowning stunt. We need to start making people answer for the things that they have done!

Can People Change?

Can people change? I believe that people can change. A liar can stop telling lies and make a conscious decision and effort to only spit the truth. A liar can take into account that their story-telling hurts and offends people.

An abuser can stop abusing others. An abuser can tell themselves that they do not want to hurt the people that they love anymore. A cheater can stop cheating. A cheater is capable of understanding that their action is the reason why they are hurting their significant other.

 

A thief can stop stealing. A thief can resist putting their hands on things that do not belong to them.

 

Okay, so maybe the better question is, “Do people change?” I believe that people CAN change but I think more often than not, they do not. Most people do not like change and when change is implemented, they resist it and try their hardest to fight against it. If your employer starts changing things around how often have you said, “I don’t know why they’re changing things around; we’ve been doing things this way for the last 10 years!” I think that most people are unable to face truths about themselves which means that they don’t truly know themselves, which in turn makes them vulnerable to people telling them who they THINK they are and it ultimately affects their ability to change because they don’t know themselves so they take another person’s view of themselves on as truth and if others say there is nothing wrong, well then they have no changes to make…..Did ya follow that? If not, go back and read it slowly….I even had to a few times.

On a personal scale, how often do you take a close look at the person you are and realize that there are things about yourself that you need to change? How often do you look at the company you keep and realize that there are things about them that they would benefit from changing? If you are like me then the answer to these questions is often.

Many years ago a wise woman told me that there is always room for growth and that we should never stop striving to be better people. Now that I am older and I have children, I constantly hear her voice in my head giving me this insight. I figured out though that in order to strive to be a better person, I had to self-reflect and be honest with myself about who I was.

If you knew me four years ago you would probably realize that I have come a long way but the journey was not easy in the least. I spent plenty of time looking at myself and being my own biggest critic. I knew that in my heart I was a good person, that I cared about others and that I was compassionate. On the other hand I was also argumentative, unforgiving, aggressive, and confrontational. I soon figured out that while most of these things were not necessarily bad, there had to be a healthy balance. These things are still a part of who I am BUT I have learned that we have to know when change is necessary.

I will argue you down on issues that I feel strongly about. I am aggressive to the point that I know what I want out of my life and I am willing to put the work in to get there and if you are standing in my way I’ll simply steamroll over you. I will confront you if I feel like it is necessary but I won’t waste my precious time on trivial shit. I am still working on being able to forgive people who I feel have wronged me. See? Honesty…and nobody got hurt!

Now, not everyone is going to like you. Hell, not everyone likes you now without changing things about yourself BUT your personal change is not for everyone else; it’s for you! Follow me here…..I look at myself and decide to change things about me…for ME. I am not interested in how others see me because people are going to see what they want to see regardless of who you truly are. I work hard at pleasing myself because the opinion I hold of myself is the only one (besides God’s opinion) that matters. I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR AND LIKE WHAT I SEE!

Moral of the story: be a strong enough person to want to make the changes necessary to be a better person…for YOU! Yes it is hard to not consider how other people view you but trust my truth that people will judge you and test you no matter who you are as a person at the core of your being. Once you are able to truthfully see yourself and to start making steps to being a better person, no one can tell you who they THINK you are. You KNOW who you are and therefore; they have NO power over you!